Fuck my sex life (FMSL)

Today my boyfriend and I decided to try some anal sex. When he was done, I turned around only to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said “do me”. FMSL

WHAT, IT’S OKAY FOR HIM TO DO ALL THE WORK. LAZY COW

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to cum, he yelled “Yes Kelly!” really loud. My name’s not Kelly, that’s his sister’s name. FMSL

SUPRISE INCEST… ALWAYS A WINNER.

Today, my dad gave me a promise ring for my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait to have sex until I’m married. Four hours later he walked in on us having sex in my room. FMSL

SEE THATS YOUR FAULT FOR NOT LOCKING THE FUCKING DOOR. AND HAVING SEX IN YOUR PARENTS HOUSE.

My boyfriend loves to have sex with me while I’m sleeping. I usually don’t wake up or if I am it’s very dark in the room. Well this time he was fucking me in my sleep, it was extra good so I woke up and turned the nightstand lamp on. I looked back at him and he was wearing a red cape. FMSL

I APROVE OF CAPE WEARING DURING SEX… ALSO APPOVE OF HIM HITTING YOU FROM BEHIND. I’D MARRY THE GUY IF I WERE YOU.

My boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 5 minutes, we change positions and he says: “Power Rangers – Transform!” FMSL

SWEET. CAN I HAVE HIS NUMBER????

I was joking about having a threesome with my boyfriend and another guy. He was totally down, so we tried. I ended up watching them the entire night. FMSL

I DON’T SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS… YOU GET FREE PORN. PERFECT RELATIONSHIP I’D SAY.

My girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FMSL

SPOCK WOULD GIVE AWESOME HEAD I DO HAVE TO SAY.

This cute girl was licking my balls and jerking me off at the same time. The sensation was so intense that when I came, I accidentally shot myself in the face. The girl told all her friends that I gave myself a facial. FMSL

SMOOTH SKIN AND PERFECT AIM… I’D SAY THAT WAS A BONUS AND THAT THE GIRLS JUST JEALOUS.

My boyfriend always wants me to lick his ass while he jerks off. FMSL

I DON’T SEE WHAT YOUR COMPLAINING ABOUT… BASICALLY YOU’RE JUST SHOWING OFF.

My much younger brother has a bigger dick than me. FMSL

GET USED TO IT. DEAN WINCHESTER HAD TO

I’m not sure what to think about it, but recently my penis has taken a strong liking to shemale porn.

ACCEPT THAT YOUR DICK HAS VERSATILITY

I was having sex with my girlfriend (I was on top), and it was going great (for me) until I noticed her watching the television. FMSL

IT WAS A GOOD EPISODE OF SUPERNATURAL. I’M NOT SORRY

So last night I started fooling around with this one guy I’ve liked for a while now. Tings were getting really hot until he said, “Oh, Mariah.” Mariah is my twin sister. FMSL

IT’S AN EASY MISTAKE TO MAKE!!!!!!!!!

Me and my boyfriend were having sex and it was getting really hot and rough and the way he had his face against mine, I literally got rug burn from his beard. FMSL

WEAR IT WITH PRIDE MY FRIEND.

My ex and I decided to try to have anal sex. He finally got it in without me saying that it hurt. I was finally getting into it when he looks down and says, “There’s poop.” We broke up a week afterward. FMSL

WHERE DID HE THINK HE WAS STICKING HIS DICK!!!!!! JESUS, MEN.

Every time I get close to hooking up with a girl, one of my friends inevitably ends up cock-blocking me. FMSL

GET NEW FRIENDS.

I’m such a chemistry nerd that, when I was going doggy-style with a girl the other night, all I could think of was “backside attack” molecular reactions. FMSL

KINKY

When I have sex with my girlfriend its like throwing a hotdog down a hallway. FMSL

LAUGHING TO HARD TO COMMENT!!!!!!!!!

MAN I’M WEIRD!!!!!! AND BORED APPARENTLY.

Edit: Like Seam Smiths cock this fucking thing is a lot bigger but wordpress is fucking with it!

I will be updating this with my highlights of this year (Music, Films, random things me and the wife did) as well as my 2009 awards when i can be arsed

BUT FOR NOW, MERRY DRINKMAS EVERYBODY

SO THIS IS A MEME, AND MY POSTERBOY IS THE ONE AND ONLY BRENDON URIE.

1. Choose a picture of the funniest face on your person.

He has founded a fish

Ouch ttly not a good camera angle Bren!

ROFL

I so wanna know what Ryan’s doing to him in this pic

Yup he’s too sexy for this pic.

Awww confused BB is cofused!

Ummm Bren your cra.. nevermind

C’mon man it can’t smell THAT bad!

Forget the face look at that ass, it’s so big he can’t even get it all in his (girl) jeans!!!!!!!!

Awwww sad face is funny

Vampire Brendon is not impressed!

uh i think Brendon’s got that thing Sean Smith had… i’d go get that looked at if i were you dude.

2. Choose a picture of your person eating.

He really likes that bannanna

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhha oh man don’t ever change

i know he’s not technically eating but he is addicted to capri sun so i had to throw this in

3. Choose a picture of your person with an animal.

Ummm does it count if he IS the animal?????

4. Choose a picture of your person with a member of the opposite sex.

NO COMMENT

He’s looking a little sad/annoyed.pissed off/hungover

5. Choose a picture where you would have sex with this person.

THAT SUIT, THAT BOD, THAT FACE….. NUFF SAID!

Eye fucking my brains out 24/7

again with teh eye fucking!

I just wanna squeeze in between them.

Again with teh touching…. i’d be happy just watching them TBH

LIPS!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT SOME OF THAT BREN!

*bends over*

WHUT i have a thing for vamps *shrugs*

On’es going in for a kiss the others  biting. i wanna get inbetween and get the best of both

6. Choose a picture of your favourite outfit on this person.

Me and the wifes fav outfit. Ttly sexass!

Bren in a simple tee and skinny jeans is just pure win.

Red glasses = love

7. Choose a picture of your person smiling.

awwwww

bless him, thats a ‘ the sun is in my eyes’ smile

shit quality pic but such a cute smile

awwwwww ttly looking at Ryan

Just love his smile.

squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

C’mon boys confess whatcha looking all guilty for

ahhhhhhhh ttly working the skinny emo girl look bren

GEEK REPORTER SMILE FTMFW!

thats the ‘hurry up my cheeks are hurting’ smile. Poor Brenny bear.

LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS ONE. It’s the ‘ he just said he’d marry me’ smile’  *nods*

psyco smile

8. Choose a picture of your person half/naked.

BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!

Just can’t help him self

I have no idea who the other bloke is, but i’m getting in!

He really shoudl play all shows like this!

me ttly neaking into his dressing room

9. Choose a picture of your person doing an outdoor activity.

Playing baseball with some random tourist i think

Driving whilst looking incredibly cool.

drinking in a car outside

Dressing up.  Because his cock really does need a tiara.

Waiting for his  boyfriend Ryan driver to pick him up.

10. Choose your favourite picture of this person.

MY FAV EVER PIC.   I want that cup.

Lovin’ the eye make up

Ooooh looks like Bren’s been naughty!

JAMMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I wanna snuggle and have a sleepover with him

TOTAL DORK

Love the band in this one, all looking hot.

oh noes he’s all sad. Better fuck him better Y/Y

IN CONCLUSION BRENDON IS A TOTAL DORK

BONUS BRENDON

Just incase you were wondering ….

HE TTLY FUCKING LOVES ME!!!

ICONS

QUEER AS FOLK  US

JENSEN ACKLES/SPN/ DARK ANGEL

RYDON

ZAC EFRON

MICHAEL PITT

KELLAN LUTZ

JACKSON RATHBONE

RANDOM CELEBS/ PEOPLE

IDon’t get all fangirly on me now, cos if there’s bitching i will not be held responsible for my actions.

I’LL PROBABLY HAVE MORE, AND WILL CONSTANTLY UPDATE!

So y’know don’t be shy, were all friends here…. SHARE

LET’S ALL CELEBRATE ……………..

ED WESTWICKS 22nd BIRTHDAY!

SO HAPPY BRITHDAY ED, HERES TO BEING 22 AND FUCKING GORGEOUS!

Here hoping you have a fantastic day. I’m sure your other half’s gonna give you something real spesh

A private lapdance perhapse?

SO UH HERE ARE MY FAV’S.

I don’t think there is any adult out there who doesn’t know this song, it’s just a classic Michael Jackson  song that everyone likes.

Another song that  everyone knows, even if it is just random words or lyrics in it, it’s just a song that you sing along to even if you dont know the words.

It seems like most Michael Jackson songs are memorable and stick in your head even if you don’t listen often and smooth criminal is no different, after a few drink i guarentee one bloke will be up on the dancefloor grabbing his crotch and wailing ala Jackson.

When i grew up in the very late 80′s things were changing if not already changed and so i wasn’t really exposed to the musical divide that older people would have witnessed. but i do know that Michael’s songs were always relevant and aimed to tackle topics that meant a lot to the pubic.

what’s not to love about this kick ass song.

This is a song that i love but don’t listen to often or at least havent in a while, i dont know why though because i think it’s fantastic.

HAS TO BE MY ABSOLUTE FAV SONG.

I remeber being obsessed with it when it was released, playing it over and over again until my parents got fed up. I even recorded it off the telly so i could play it whenever i wanted.

I cant help singing this, badly i might add as soon as i hear it.

Love love love this song, so much.

Is it bad that i kinda fell in love with him in this vid… well i was only 8, although watching it now, i still love it a little (a lot)

i remeber squeeing when i first saw this video, it’s epic!

AND OF COURSE THE BEST VIDEO… EVER!!!!!

and yes i was a lil bit scared when i first watched it.

Theres only one thing left to say.

RIP MICHAEL, YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.

(I love that picture)

THANKS FOR RUINING MY SEX LIFE FOR EVER ASSHOLE!

PS: IT’S ALL JARED PADALICKY’S FAULT

IF YOUTUBE IS A CUNT THE LINK IS HERE

I’LL JUST HAVE TO WATCH IT AGAIN COS I FORGOT TO LISTEN

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AFTER ACTUALLY LISTENING, LOL,  I LIKE!

THE SONGS REALLY UPBEAT AND TELLS OF A TALE OF LOVE AND THE CONNECTION THAT TWO PEOPLE CAN FEEL WHERE THEY CAN’T DO ANYTHING BUT BE WITH ONE ANOTHER.

THE VIDEO TELLS THAT STORY PERFECTLY AND IS A CHANGE FROM THE VERY BRIGHT HAPPY WAAAAY TOO CHEERFULL VIDEOS THAT USUALLY ACOMPANY THESE TYPES OF SONGS. I THINK THE FACT THAT THE COUPLE USED TO EXPLAIN THE STORY ARE BOTH MALE IS A GOOD THING AS IT BRINGS TO THE FOREFRONT THE FACT THAT GAY RELATIONSHIPS FEEL JUST THE SAME AS STRAIGHT ONES, THE LOVE THAT TWO PEOPLE HAVE AND THE CONNECTION THEY FEEL IS NO DIFFERENT NO MATTER WHAT GENDER OR SEXUAL ORINTATION…

HOWEVER IT COULD ALSO BE SEEN AS A PLOY TO GET THE VIDEO RECOGNISED. MOST PEOPLE WOULD RECOGNISE THE VIDEO AS ‘THE ONE WITH TWO MEN SNOGGING’ AND IN THAT ASPECT IT CAN BE SEEN AS BEING USED TO MAKE THE VIDEO MORE RECOGNISED AS IT STANDS OUT FOR IT’S UNIQUENESS WITHING THE MUSIC INDUSTRY.

I THINK THE FACT THAT IT’S UNIQUE IS A GOOD THING AND HOPE THAT OTHER ARTIST SOON FOLLOW SUIT AND SHOW THAT GAY PARTNERSHIPS ARE AN EVERYDAY THING AND NOT A THING THAT SHOULDN’T BE MAINSTREAM.

WOW, UMMM THAT WAS DEEP, LOL.

IN OTHER NEWS I OFFICIALLY HAVE SWINE FLU! SO AM NOW FEELING LIKE A ZOMBIE, AND TAKING REALLY NAST MEDS